Final race of the season? Lackluster.....

Not sure why I even blog but I am lazy when it comes to scrap books, photo albums so the blog and facebook are an easy way for me to keep memories.  I love going to facebook and looking at pictures from the past and I like having memories here in my blog. Even if they are scattered and poorly written with spelling and grammar errors but hey these are memories not an English paper.

This weekend may have been my last race of the season unless Noah and I find a race to do together.  This season has been lackluster with limited and unorganized training thrown in.  I very much like to follow a strict schedule when training and if I don't do that, I feel like I am not training.  I also feel like I do not know where my fitness really is.  This summer I started bootcamp twice a week at D1 with Aida which I LOVE.  I have attended bootcamp with her before and knew it was great!  There are times when I think I just want to bootcamp 5 days a week.  I love it that much and it kicks my butt just about every time!  BUT I also love to eat and with a husband training for an ironman and burning thousands of calories at a time and replacing those just as fast, I knew I needed to continue with some swim, bike, run as well or I would gain 10 pounds by his ironman in Sept.  This was really what fueled my training at the start of the season. Then I found with no schedule or coach, I actually enjoyed the training.  I could do the bare minimum, quit when I wanted, and never,  never look at a clock while swimming.  I actually began to enjoy training and racing again with really no plan or expectations.  I usually only raced if Stewart was going to be racing.  I am not going to lie, racing at small local races as a 45 year old woman is not that hard for me.  I am the youngest in the 45-49 age group which really is not that very fast.  I also know that my body does not need much training to perform.  Yes, my goal is to be an overall or master winner but age group is still ok.  After 10 years of racing, I feel like I can do the minimum to maintain, I am not getting faster but I can maintain and still pull off a decent race- sometimes even a good one!  I am an athlete and always have been.  Playing sports my whole life and being extremely competitive, both of these really help to this day.  At least I think so.  So this season has been fun, nothing great but a lot of fun and a great way for me to enjoy it with Stewart.  Even though we NEVER train together anymore, we do have fun enjoying racing together.  We did try swim lessons and I have to admit, I think I am just ok with being a mediocre swimmer.  I realized through theses lessons that some of these things ( body type, flexibility) I just can't change and to make any big gains is going to take more work than I am willing to give.  Stewart on the other hand is ready to keep moving forward so I am leaving him alone in this endeavor.  And my swim is decent for my age group ( I was first in my ag my last tri and 2nd this past weekend)  - The overall girls still kill me in the swim.


Last week I went to the ENT because I am still having issues with sinus and dizziness.  While researching on the internet, I found that chronic sinusitis could last years!!  GREAT!.  At my last visit, my x rays and physical exam did not show infection but lots of inflammation and swelling in sinuses and cavities.  Not sure if this is my normal or I was beginning to get sick.  I do know that Siri Naidu is awesome and spent so much time talking to me about all the options and tests we could try.  He also knew I was so concerned with something more serious such as MS (my sister has)or a brain tumor because of the weird symptoms I was having this spring.  He told me I have no problem doing a MIR if you need it for piece of mind.  He also reminded me  that cancer and tumors don't get better and I am better since this spring so I think the MRI will hold off for a while but love knowing I have a doctor who gets me and it is there waiting if I decide that I need to know more.   Well I got sick and not sure if this was going to happen anyway but anytime I stay with Riley - her dogs just put Morgan and I in turmoil!  So I had a huge week busy week of a college visits with Noah ( draining) and entertaining the kids in Atlanta and Chattanooga all while feeling like hell.  I had ear pain, lightheadness, facial pressure and just generally crap.  The night before the race, the last thing I wanted to do was race but I had signed up for it and just didn't want to not race.  I knew I was exhausted and I wasn't into it. I have already not raced after signing up this year due to sickness and did not want to skip another.  Did not feel that awful so just went with it.  Was really hoping to come around once the gun went off.

First mistake was leaving all my water at home.  Spent the first part of the race looking for water bottles.  Thanks to the generous hearts of triathletes, had that problem fixed pretty easily.  The race started at 6:45 and it was dark so I just skipped my typical pre race warm up.  Not sure what the dark had to do with it but at the time it seemed to make sense.  So I just headed to the swim start.  I could see the river was flowing and my swim was short so this should not have caused any issues BUT right before it was my turn to jump off the dock, I felt tons of adrenaline kick in.  My breathing and heart rate were up, my stomach was off and I knew this was not good.  I hate not being able to get into the water before the swim but due to the current they do not allow a swim warm up.  I jumped in full of anxiety and most likely went out too fast!  Really wanted to use the current and all this resulted was me panicking by the time I hit the first buoy.  Took a minute or so to get everything calmed down and together and then I was just pissed that I wasted what I wanted to be a fast swim time.  Got out of the swim with head in the game and ready to go.  Maybe this panic would pay off!

Got on the bike with a ton of people and made it around them and heard the guy say stay to your right, what I failed to notice in the ton of people was I was suppose to turn left and then stay to my right.  Duh??? why did he even say that?  Well I stayed to my right and took off and saw no one.  Figured I broke through my pack and was waiting to see the next group but then realized two things, I was on the ironman course and there was no next pack.  No signs anywhere showing where I should go or do.  I slowed, looked behind me, looked around and realized I had screwed up somewhere.  Turned around, back up the hill and made the turn.  Saw the police and race director at the turn and was pissed at them for letting me miss the turn but reminded myself that part of racing is to know the course.  I had no one to blame but myself.  I was even more pissed when I hit the one mile mark on the bike and my odometer showed a little over 2.5.  ( grr...)  I was pissed at myself and tried to let this go and get back in the game but had a hard time doing this.  ( surprise says Stewart as I have trouble letting all things go).  It especially bothered me as I saw people on the out and back other side and knew if I stayed on course, I would be there on that side.  The course is hilly tough!  LONG climbs.  The kind you want to just settle in and climb.  Which is what I did and would have been fine if I was doing a longer race but I was doing a sprint and kept reminding myself to attack.  I was catching a ton of people but after my second mistake of the day, I felt my heart wasn't in it and was a little afraid of going too nuts based on not wanting to get dizzy.  The first climb had people around me just falling apart.  I saw a couple of people jump off their bike and stop.  One girl biked over to the guard rail and just kind of fall over and I passed one guy stopped in the middle of the road with his head on his handlebars.  Didn't think anything about it as this was a sprint, had lots of newbies and felt like they were not prepared for the course.  I didn't even say anything to him and just rode by.  Felt AWFUL when I turned around and on my way back saw this same guy laid out in the middle of the course with multiple riders around him, one feeling for pulse and calling for help.  Still not sure if he is ok or what happened.  Riley also witnessed a wreck as she was driving to the race and found out this guy was in the hospital with multiple injuries, punctured lung but would be ok.  He was training for IM Chattanooga which is not good on that front but at least he is ok. 

Got off the bike and started the run which is hilly and you have to run multiple stairs.  The way out I was not into it and actually walked the first hill!  Was so disappointed in myself as this is the same first hill you run in Ironman, AFTER biking 116 miles and here I was walking it in a sprint.  I told myself it was ok because I was pretty sure I walked it in Ironman.  SMH,......   Well the second half was much better, not sure if my gu kicked in or I knew if I hurried I would be done but I finally felt like I was running decently but still ended in a pretty much lackluster run.  I did have a lot of guys tell me at the finish line, they used my suit ( you just got passed by a girl) to stay on my tail and keep me in my sights.  At least I could be of good use for some people.

So a little disappointed to leave the season not at my best but did enjoy a day in Chattanooga which is just a beautiful and challenging place to race.

Woke up this am and wondering what is next?  I do need a goal or something to work towards but not sure what?  Will continue to loosely tri train but think I am ready to add more D1 and yoga into my day.  I did sign up to be on team Hope for St Jude 10k!  High goals I know!  But finally ran 8 miles last week for the first time in months so 10k may be all I can handle right now.  Trying to encourage Riley to do the half marathon in Chikamuga - this I would do with her and may light a fire under me. 

This I do know.. Stewart is about to hit his peak training which means I better find a calorie burn fast!

Happy Training!

Memphis in May thoughts...

It has been two seasons since I have raced in Memphis. Loved seeing all my tri friends!

I was having so much fun talking,  I forgot to even start my watch

For two races in a row and after 10 years of swimming, I can now swim a straight line in a lake

I really love swimming and think i am finally going to take a few lessons and work on technique

Thanks to the girl who ran from the other side of transition and pulled my wet suit off my leg, it was stuck on my timing chip. I think I may have had a dnf right there. Maybe being dramatic but it sure felt like it

I ran the whole run, rumor may have it that I walked at times In the race two weeks ago

To get faster on the run, I really need to add speed work and bricks. Just not sure if I want to

Now is the time to pick up training if I want to do Olympic distance with Stew in Chatt the end of June, not sure if I want to... Let's see what happens naturally

CAN NOT WAIT to start boot camp on June 1- random

Had so much fun pushing myself today, trying to remain focused and motivated when the legs were so so tired

Thankful to be able to have a hobby that I love, that I am healthy and able to do and share with so many


That is it.. Race 200 plus in the books 😊

So I raced my 170ish race AND it was great!!!!

I want to preface this post with claiming that Stewart has become the old me when it comes to triathlon and I apologize to all friends and family during that time.  Now I know what living with me was like and I maybe was even worse.  If it wasn't for Stewart encouraging me to race with him, I may be playing tennis somewhere BUT I have to admit racing this weekend did kind of light a fire in me and I guess I will never get triathlon out of my blood.

So why do I mention that Stewart has turned into me?  Well the other day, a friend told him about athlinks and how he could look up competition, etc on this site.  He went to it and said did you know that when I typed in Leslie Brahm and Leslie Crais you had about 168 races listed.  I also know that not all my races are listed so I bet I am somewhere between the 175-200 mark of races completed.  That number would become very important to my psyche as race morning approached.

And another tidbit of info, out of all those races I have never had a DNF ( do not finish) or a DNS ( did not start) until last month at Rebelman.  That was a fact I was pretty impressed with.  Even though now I probably jinxed myself to a flat or some kind of mechanical issue.  If I get that, I am a DNF for sure.  I am sad to admit that even after almost 200 races, I know jack about a bike.  I have always proudly waved my damsel in distress girl card.  :)

So back to racing.  We all know that April was medical hell for me and with my overactive imagination, I was sure I had brain cancer, a tumor, MS ( my sister has it), lupus, or some other disease.  After a trip to the ENT, we decided that I was having major sinus issues and vertigo. I am still not entirely convinced because I have been on a boatload of medication and still not 100% but getting there.  A few days ago we have added singular and it too is helping tremendously.  I feel like I should be carrying around a days of the week pill case.  I also have become a huge advocate of the netty pot.  I do it twice a day and it is awesome! 

Stewart had planned on doing Guntersville Olympic race and was encouraging me to do the sprint.  I was SCARED.  VERY SCARED.  I did not want to have a vertigo attack in the lake.  I was nervous about getting one on the bike but the lake scared the shit out of me BUT since the symptoms were better but still hanging around a bit, I figured I might as well pull the big girl panties up and do it.  I do not want to live a life where I let fear get in the way. 10 years ago I did mountain lakes and the swim was 400 yds and shallow and the course was flat flat on bike and run so I kept that memory in the back of my head.  This I would learn would not be the case of Guntersville tri.  It was challenging at best.

My training had been minimal.   I took about 15-16 days where I did nothing and then as I promised doc I would keep workouts to one a day.  a couple of times, I would do a short swim and bike on same day or some weights and a run on the same day but most of the time it was not much. It was all over the place.  One day Noah and I ran 4 miles in 28:20 and then a few days later I struggled through a 6 miler. And for a girl who once ran 36 miles for fun, I am humbled to say that 6 miles is my LONG run!!   One day the bike felt easy and others in the words of Stacey, " I was about to lose a lung".  The only thing that felt consistent was my swim which as always is slow and steady.

Anyway so I told Stewart sign me up on Thursday night.  I know he waited until the last possible minute because Stew does not like to waste money and I am pretty sure he was afraid I would pull a rebelman and he would be out some cash.

After signing me up,  A mantra formed in my head.  You can do this.  You have raced 168 times.  I said that to myself constantly from Thursday through Saturday.  Even though that evil little thought would break in and say " YES, but never having vertigo before"  I just ignored it.  I also repeated this to myself a bunch in the beginning of the swim.

Race sight was BEAUTIFUL and a win win in itself.  The lake is gorgeous and we stayed at the state park lodge which overlooked the lake.  We woke up race morning bright and early and rode all the way down to the race start.  We had tons of time so we had no stress.  It was quite chilly.  My bike warm up consisted of me riding through the parking lot in my hello kitty pajama pants.  I then put on my racing flats and my run warm up was a quick jot to the porta potty.  I am very over the pre race ritual.  I then stumbled upon the young kid and his mom who were setting up in transition next to me.  This was his first race and he was totally clueless.  He had no idea what transition was, what this race number was in his hand, what he should wear to race in, etc.  As I gave him a race belt, explained the lay out, marked his transition with chalk so he could fine it - his mom tried to tape a HUGE water bottle to his bike.  He had no cages.  I was dying but he was a great distraction from my crazy mind and I actually felt oddly calm.  I finished with him and went in search of Stewart.  Found him in the lake and got my wetsuit on and joined him for a little swim warm up.  He was starting before me in the oly race.

Swim was very uneventful.  What I thought was going to be 400 yds was 750 yds but with the safety of my wetsuit, I felt fine.  My only moment of panic was when we got on the floating dock and we were swaying back and forth and I didn't realize it was swaying and thought Holy Shit - I am really unsteady!  Second thoughts were if I don't get off this swaying dock, I am going to be really dizzy.  I think this was one of my straightest swims ever  ( usually zig  zag everywhere) and I thought I was swimming fast but after seeing my time - it was still a slow time but I did swim straight and felt great coming out of the water. They had wetsuit strippers which was amazing!

Bike started with a hilly climb out of the park.  I passed three girls right away and a couple of men along the way. I did have some man yell at me - not sure what but the " You just got passed by a girl " suit never fells.   I never got passed on the bike except from Stewart.  He started before me but had to do two loops of the swim so all of a sudden I felt someone hitting me on the butt.  It was great because I am so use to chasing him, I saw him and I just went but unfortunately I had hit my bike turn around about a minute later.  I knew from the out and back  course that four girls were ahead of me - yes I was out of shape but I am competitive and I am always on the chase.  I caught one girl as we entered back into the really hilly section of the park so I knew I was starting the run 4th women.  I was hoping to catch number 3!  But boy were my legs tired!!!

The run started off flat and then got really really hilly!  I saw number three girl and knew based on how I was feeling and my overall fitness I was not going to catch her.  I actually walked part of 2 of the first big hills until I had to yell at myself and say " GET WITH IT LESLIE YOU ARE DOING A FREKAING SPRINT RACE AND SHOULD NOT BE WALKING"  It worked because I continued to run the rest of the hills and felt like I was in pretty much cruise mode.  I ended up being two minutes off of third overall but even though I feel like I let myself give up a bit - I really don't think I had the fitness to go for it.  Another fun fact is I have developed a rash all over my legs ( being 45 is great) that I think it allergy related but for some reason it flared up and was stinging and the whole last half mile, I felt like a bee was stinging me.  I think this maybe was an incentive to get finished because I did past a few guys.  The best part as I was finishing my run, Stewart was starting his so we got to see each other on the course again.

So - this is what I know.  I raced pretty well.  Not as fast as I would have liked and I definitely HAVE room for improvement but I guess for an old gal who has raced close to 200 times my somewhat fit self can do a pretty good job. I still can manage to pull somewhat of a race together.  Most importantly I had so much fun and I let Stewart sign me up for Memphis in May sprint today!  I do want to race again and I even want to try to get in some training.  Feels good to feel that spark and motivation.  Let's hope it lasts.

The rest of the day, we spent hanging around listening to music and having an eat everything CHEAT day.  We rented a kayak and hung out on the water and Stewart tried really hard to get me to pamper him for the day.  I had to remind him this is no New Orleans.

We had some great food and some good times and even though I missed mom's day as I traveled home, I managed to celebrate it on my own.  My kids celebrated together with my mom which is just as good as me being there.

So race facts - I finished about 40 minutes faster than the race average and 4th female, 1st age group and 16th overall - not bad for an old lady.

Stewart finished 3rd in his age group and 8th overall - he had such an awesome race - if only we teach that boy to swim.

Life in a Tail Spin

What has happened to all the hours in the day??  And how do I seem to use them up so easily??  Back in January when Stewart and I were reviewing our year and discussing things we liked, didn't like, things we would change etc ( we also did this with the kids and related it to our 2 years of marriage and it was so fun) but anyway .... I said that I Just wanted MORE time!  I felt like I didn't have it anymore and could not figure out why?  I was not even training for anything but just felt completely overwhelmed.  We begin to talk about ways I could get more time added back into my day and unfortunately it seems to be going the other way.

My work life is crazy busy - I basically do two full time jobs at once.  I teach PE and wellness classes and coach and then throw in being lower school AD.  I love it but let me tell you there is NEVER enough time in the day.  Each day just flies by and I think to myself REALLY?  We are done?  I try so hard to never bring work home so each day is always an adventure going from one project to the next.

My Life is Crazy busy - hmm.. 5 kids... someone always needs something.  Even my biggest who is out of town.   I often joke to Stewart that the kids are always wanting to be fed, talking, or taken somewhere. I have decided that with Riley's upcoming wedding, Noah's senior year and college visits, and Morgan Hopefully Hopefully making pom that my life is going to be even more insane.  Throw in Richard, Molly and Stewart's schedule and we are on the move.  My van alone drove over 1000 miles last month and most of those were in Memphis!

Then we have my fun life... no matter how busy I  make it a priority to spend time with Stewart, the kids, and friends in extra stuff.  I try to never miss a happy hour with friends or a chance to chill out with Stewart and the kids.  I also belong to book club and Stewart and I belong to a couple's uhm drinking club - lots of fun! I always try to throw some travel in as well because traveling with Stewart may rank up there as being one of my all time favorite things.  I need this time to unwind and relax

So the only thing I have left to try and fit in with all of the above is my training and I have to tell you for some reason it has been hard.  I have never felt so undertrained or out of shape in my life and left me questioning did I even want to race this season. After 11 years of the sport, the intensity and the time I need to spend on it just can't be the same.  I sit in my office  and look at my huge bookcase and wall full of medals, trophies, and awards and just can't imagine being there again.  Then I got sick and let me tell you I was pretty sure I had something seriously wrong with me.  At times, I felt like I was in a middle of a brain aneurasym and the next thing I was going to see was darkness.  Training and triathlons became the farthest thing from my mind.  I think I missed like 10 days of physical activity and never once did I even come close to thinking about my work outs or how out of shape I was getting.  Triathlon and training was the farthest from my mind.  I just wanted to feel and be healthy.  Something that has been missing lately!!

 What I did think about  was how lucky I was. When I was able to get on the bike and ride 3 miles with Noah around a path, I thought about  how lucky I was to have such a great son.  What I did think about as I laid  in the sun and read a book was how lucky I was to be able to get outside and enjoy the sunlight and the day.  Even waking up and going into the kitchen and getting a cup of coffee made me stop and think how grateful I was for all that I had.  I can certainly see how people with major illnesses or accidents get a whole new perspective on life.  I sure did just after spending 10 days feeling like holy hell.  I still have another doctor visit and after scans, blood work, and some other tests not sure what caused what but a lot of my doctor explaining why.  I trust her and believe her so I have to go with it.  Now I am finally feeling better and I realize triathlon is no big deal.  Something I love but If I race undertrained, it is going to be ok because I am out there DOING IT!  If I race with an all time personal worst, it is Ok because I am out there DOING IT!  If I decide I don't want to race at all this year, that is OK too.  This alone has been really hard for me to come to terms with as triathlon has always been such a big part of my like.   For the remainder of the school year, my "training" is going on the back burner.  Workouts will be minimal or non existent. I may even race on these minimal work outs and it will be ok.

As I have searched for time these last few months,  I HAVE realized  is that there will never be enough time.  What I have realized in the last two weeks (when just getting through work and my parenting duties was sometimes too much) is to relish every bit of time that I have.  That all of the above are so important and that I really need to be in the moment and enjoying the moment.  Just like I tell my kids if you are going to take the time to do something, make sure you are doing your best.

Where oh where has my motivation gone??

As I enter my 10th or maybe 11th year of triathlon, I begin to wonder if it is my last.  I know I say that every year but this year motivation is at all time low.  I am just not sure where it has gone.  I sit here and watch Stewart getting fitter by the minute and more and more motivated and I am just blah.  He blames it that I haven't picked any races for the season so I have no goals or nothing to train for.  He may be right.  I do plan to do Rebelman even though I haven't registered for it.  I am waiting to see if it will be cold.  Those days are OVER!  Even knowing rebelman is on the horizon doesn't have me motivated. I have ran 3 miles this week!!  Sunday I put on my running clothes for a long run and wore them all day but never made it out to run.  Story of my life lately. 

The thing is I just can't figure out what to do without triathlon.  I have been doing it so long just not sure what could fit in its place.   I keep hoping that something will come along but not sure.  I also hope that I may race a race and that will be just what I need to light my fire.

Sure I am training some but nowhere where I need to be.  Life just seems to always get in the way and daylight savings has really rocked my world!  Where is the time gone?  The other day I was finishing up dinner at 8:45 and realized that it was not 6:00 like I thought and my night was pretty much over.  And I sure wasn't having a late dinner because I was training!

Track has also rocked me over into a new universe, I am school late and traffic has sucked!  Getting home is an adventure in itself and by the time I get there I don't want to do anything.  I also don't want to do anything before work because it is dark once again in the morning.  Staying in bed has been optimal.   Maybe I will take up knitting. 

Yesterday I tried Bikram yoga.  I was really hoping to fall in love! Unfortunately I did not but I did like it and I will go back.  I do know I am super sore today and for the first time in a week my foot does not hurt and my calf feels loose.  Maybe that has to do with the fact that I only have ran 3 miles but I hope it is the Bikram.  I think yesterday was just a shock!  I walked in and it was HOT!!  My first thoughts were it is hot as a  MF in here.  I am surprised they didn't come out of my mouth.  At first I began to doubt myself and wonder if I was going to make it but I told myself you are an Ironman - you can do this.  That is the great thing about completing an Ironman, I feel like once you do that you can use that to measure up to anything.  I also wore a watch into class which is 90 minutes long by the way!  An hour and a half for the math challenged like me!  When it beeped on the hour I was told by the instructor watches were not allowed.  What??  If I would not have had a watch on I maybe would have had a mental breakdown.  At times I felt like the only thing that kept me going was saying you have 30 minutes left, you have 5minutes left, etc.  No watch is going to be a huge mental challenge but one I probably need.  I am not sure I have ever sweat that much in my life even on a hot July run.  I am going to buy the introductory package so the good thing is if I do get motivation back I will have a jump start on heat training.  And not only is it hot but you can only drink when they let you and you pretty much can't leave.  If you are having issues, they ask you just sit there and breathe which is no small feat.  At times I felt like I was at max running heart rate while laying on a mat!

So - please tell me how do I find this motivation??   I want to race - I want to get in shape but unfortunately I have found laying on the couch wrapped in a blanket or hanging out I want more.
I may toe the line on April 3rd.  I can be over confident and undertrained.  The good thing is I am now 45, I can just use my age as my excuse.

LIFE at 45....

I wish I had something great to report or blog about.  I love to write the blog because it is  like my diary and I love to go back and read it.  I had a blog previously and it had some great entries about my sweet little Zeus, Ironman, Ragbri, events etc and due to ( not sure how I want to word it) unforeseen circumstances these were wiped out, deleted, gone forever and it still really bothers me today.  I am not good on documenting or organizing so I use the blog to record memories and I use facebook to store pictures.  Stewart laughs because I can spend hours going back and just looking at pictures on facebook.  Yes!  These are my family albums and such an easy way for me to keep track of things.  So... yes that does explain why you see countless pictures from me constantly!  Only way to keep them around.

So back to the blog.  I have nothing exciting to say but want to record something as I approach my 45th birthday.  45 as a number seems really old to me, in person I feel really young despite not being able to read and remember things.  I have become that person that has to shine her flashlight on the menu and hold far away to even see it.  I did try on readers the other day and then progressed to the walker and cane just for fun.  I looked like a little old lady as I shopped around Walgreens.

40 was a big shock to me and I felt like I was pretty much doomed.  I never believed in a mid life crisis but after hitting 40, I do believe.  The feeling of anxiousness and the thought of my youth being over was crazy.  Luckily 45 does not feel like that and I have learned to appreciate every day that I have!  Yes, I would like to have a few less wrinkles on my face and maybe that twenty something year old body but those are just window dressing.  I really would not want to go back and live through all that again.  It was a great time but the memories are enough and 45 is going to be great I think.

45 is also bringing some changes... Riley is getting married and Noah is approaching his 18th birthday!  I loved those kids as babies but I have to say I really love my adult kids.  I love the conversations and the times we can spend together.  I can't believe they are getting so big so fast with little priss right on their heels.  I can not wait to go through this Wedding experience with Riley.  She knows exactly what she wants, how she wants it, and wants it all to be perfect.  I am going to just sit back and enjoy the process.  I told Stewart I was not going to offer many opinions as I know Riley wants to do it just like she wants to do it.  We sat down to dinner the other day and the first thing I said was " I hope for your wedding... " and Stewart started dying laughing because he said so much for no opinions.  But the good thing is I don't care if she takes them, I won't get upset but decided it is great food for thought.  We did find a beautiful wedding venue this weekend so Riley will have this completed like by next week.  :)

As for the training front - I am low key and bare minimum and it is awesome.  Not sure what I am racing or when.  Stewart has his whole summer planned and constantly asks are you doing this?  My honest answer is I don't know, ask me the week of?  Everything I am doing is low key and I love it.  I love working out and training but I really love not having to do something, goals to meet, or a race that I need to be training for.  The crazy thing is I am swimming the best I have ever swam.  It all of a sudden feels right and natural and I LOVE it!  I LOVE SWIMMING!  Never thought I would say that!  And I love that I put on my fins and may spend a whole set doing IM instead of actually doing the set to send coach data.

Running has been my least favorite lately and I haven't been doing much of it. I won't lie, I have been spending most of my running training sessions on the treadmill running 45 mins and watching hulu.  I can catch up on the Bachelor, American Idol, Biggest Loser, etc.  It is awesome!  I may never run outside again!!! :)  I did get in a trail run yesterday in Monteagle which about killed me but I have no REAL  ( as in training with an actual goal) races on plan so I figured the treadmill is not bad.  I do throw in some 400's and some hill repeats so it has to be all good.  I may make an appearance at the Mike Cody this weekend for some outside time!!

I am loving lifting weights and going to 9 rounds.  Both of these I could maybe do constantly!  Usually Noah does these with me and getting to spend time with him is great too.  The other day he thoroughly kicked my butt in a " rowing " race at the gym.  Could not wait for him to get to the finish so I could just quit. 

The bike is just the bike... it is one of those things I use to ride.  Sometimes it gets on the trainer.  This weekend Stewart had an easy ride on his plan and I talked him into renting the $8.00 bikes in downtown Chattanooga and we spent all day riding everywhere!  Those things are clunkers and I told him he was getting in some training.  I did have a moment of embarrassment as I walked it up a hill while wearing an Ironman jacket but hey things happen.  Rumor has it that I may do a race in about 4 weeks that involves 45 miles of biking.  That is going to be a fun experience.  I feel like I have years of bike fitness behind me - it can't be that bad..  I really want to do the race but I really don't want to train for it so It will be an adventure.

And I guess I can't end this post without mentioning Stewart.  Not sure what I did to have him end up in my life but if you believe in karma - I must have really good in my past life.  I am not sure I have every met a more moral, loving, caring guy.  I just am amazed everyday by his actions, by his willing to help people, by the way he cares about people and the way he loves people.  Sometimes I feel like I really need to get my act together. Beside he is just fun!  We spend countless hours just acting like kids and playing and he usually lets me have my way which we all know is a big plus!  :)

And the kids... they are great and fun and challenging and loud and keep us busy!  All of them have a million activities at once.  Sometimes I joke to Stewart and say all they do is eat, talk, and want to be driven somewhere but watching them become these little mini adults is so fun!!


So as I enter this 45th year, I can't wait to see what it brings and I have a feeling it is going to be a good one.


Life is good as I enter this 45th year and can't wait to experience it!!

The Foot....

Oh... the foot.  Not really sure what I can say about this foot.  Years ago, I would make fun of people who said they couldn't run because of plantar or because their foot hurt.  I secretly thought they were wimps and just needed to suck it up.  Well... then karma appeared to bite me in the ass and I found myself walking the walk of shame from Breakaway on Germantown pkwy all the way back to the visitor center at Shelby Farms.  I literally could not run another step because of the pain.  I called everyone I knew in between fits of stomping my feet and cussing to pick me up but no one answered.  Karma was laughing.  It was also laughing when I went from there to a boot. Not once but about a year later that sweet foot ended up in a boot again.  Sigh...


So, fast forward a few years - after  I really  have shown  true sympathy for people with foot issues  I find myself there again.  As Dr. Croft says I spend a lot of time on my feet that I don't consider when not running.  I also spend it in weird combinations of shoes.  You would think working in athletics with work out gear on, I would just wear a running shoe and be done.  Nope, you can find me in keens, uggs, rain boots, crappy shoes, etc.

So... let's go all the way back to April and the Boston Marathon.  I was hurt... surprise... being over zealous and lots of hills tend to do that to me.  I thought I had a stress fracture in my hip ( I didn't) but leading up to the race, I quit running.  I had not ran in about 2 weeks or more.  As luck would have it, I had just bought a new pair of shoes that I had never ran in.  New brand, new type everything.  I figured race day couldn't be worse so I wore said shoes and HATED them!  And FYI - not sure race day could be any worse.  I really disliked everything about Boston.  I use to say Hate but over time I guess I have mellowed.  I returned these clunky heavy shoes and asked for the lightest thing they had and thought I loved them.  I took some more time off to recover from the race from hell that left me for dead and to heal the injury and I started running in these shoes and they were great.  This was around May.

In June, I became sick with pneumonia and was put on an antiobotic that was told after the fact, athletes should NEVER take.  I developed tendonitis in the top of my foot and it hurt like a bitch.  Dr. Croft prescribed my best friend ( a steroid)  but it did not really do the trick.  I was in the middle of Ironman training and I just had to suck it up.  I also made sure I never ran back to back and if I could get a longer recovery time to baby my foot, I could manage it.  Even though it did and still would keep me up off night with pain.  We did spend a TON of time working on my tight calves.  I am sure if the school PT guy would bill me, I would owe him my next two years of paychecks!!

Made it through Ironman, took time off, back to running  - yep pain is still there.  This time we try steroid ( YES) and 3 weeks of vimovo.  First we think it is really working but then not so much!  GRR...  I am now ready to get back at it.  I feel fat, sluggish, and no sense of purpose.  I decide to train for the Wynne 25k in Jan.  I decide to just run 3 days a week, lower mileage - higher intensity.  Sometimes I am not sure if I am going to make it there.  Sometimes I feel like I am one step away from a boot. 

So I constantly think about this foot.  It is always in the back of my head.  My ankle is tight with not much mobility, the top of my foot is painful to the touch, and sometimes just taking my shoe off hurts.  But... I am still running.  I am brilliant - right?  Well, I began to wonder if maybe the medicine was not the problem but the new shoes?  They were kind of close together in time range.  So - yesterday, I had mile repeats.  Decided to go with my racing flats instead of my usual shoes and YES the foot did hurt some, and yes it woke me up last night, and yes I did have to start my morning rolling my calves but it really feels better.  It really feels like the pain is not like it usually is a day after the run.  So I begin to think, could it be the shoes that I have bought 3 times now because I LOVED them and they were my favorite?  Please don't tell me they are the culprit??  Have I spent months on meds and PT and in pain when all I should have done was switch a shoe?  Yep, I am a slow learner so I will hit Fleet Feet before my long run.

Praying that these shoes are the culprit.  Wouldn't that be sweet?  Who would have thought?? I do love a simple solution!

Happy Running!

Off Season...

Off Season - oh how I love you!

You started out a little precarious.  I was depressed, sad, and lost without my ironman training. Race day was so great ( best ever) that I was just on a huge high let down.  I was stressed and thinking what can I do next?  I also felt nervous because Stewart has already registered for NOLA half ironman and Wisconsion full ironman.  I knew better to sign up for anything at this time because I had so many emotions but it was hard not to.  I even toyed with signing up for Louisville.

The first week was bad, I was grouchy and cranky.  I was not sleeping through the night.  I may have yelled at everyone unnecessarily if you could believe that.  I was shocked.  Why was I missing training so much?  There were times when I was sure I hated it and never wanted to see my swim bag or bike again.  Second week got better, still a little lost, still not sleeping through the night.  Third week... you are awesome.  I love the off season!

I had a great girls weekend and never did I have to worry about what training I was missing or what fitness I may be losing.  I did do one run just because it was a glorious beautiful day.  I was going to run 30 minutes and then decided to extend.  It was great.  No plan.  Just run what you want.  I am still having some foot issues but was super happy to see this run went well.

I have joined back up with 9 rounds and going to doing xtreme fitness bootcamp.  I am going to try to attend one or the other 5 days a week ( if I feel like it) to build some strength.  Running and biking when I want.  It is amazing how your body can be so fit one way but so weak in others.  I went to xtreme fitness for the first time and was so sore for two days.  A couple of times during the hour work out I was wishing I was back on the ironman course.  It had to be easier.  Yesterday I attended 9 rounds and my booty is sore like no other.  Last year - Riley did tell me 9 rounds was giving me a J-Lo booty so I guess  I am on my way.

Hoping the foot will hold out so I can do Wade's big adventure as it is my all time favorite race!  It may be my slowest time ever but those days when I race when I am fit and ready are over.  It is all about the fun for me.

I am leaving for Vegas tomorrow so I doubt much of anything will get done.  I may hit the gym a few times to sweat out some alcohol but so looking forward to doing nothing.

I would love to get to Yoga but can't find classes to fit my schedule.  I may need to get my dvd's out and return to my yoga at home.  I do love some Bob Harper.

I still love racing and not ready to retire yet.  Even though many days this summer I thought I would do just that.  Noah and I have talked about doing a mom and pop half ironman together this year.  He has joined the swim team to start his prep.  He did not get his swim gene from me.  He has not swam since his 6th grad year and came home and told me he did his 25's in 14 seconds and his 50's in 38.  Oh to be young again and just hop in the pool and do that.  I have never seen those times and more than likely never will.    I love that he is returning to the pool.


See you on the flip side.....

It is over...... Thanks Chattanooga Ironman! You were awesome!

Well... it is done.  I could do a long race report but 144.6 miles is a lot to cover.  I am going to briefly hit the high points.

What I do know is I feel kind of sad, lost, and wondering what do I do now.  After training since January, following a plan, and planning work outs around family time, work, coaching, etc. It seems so weird to just have nothing.  I was actually relieved when I looked on training peaks and saw that Liz had scheduled some recovery bikes and swims this week.  This feels normal.  As much as I hated many of the early mornings and the long days, it is sad to be done.  I know I will quickly get in the spring of things or the fall of things.  I LOVE fall and can't wait to spend mornings drinking coffee and reading on the porch, doing outside stuff with the kids, yoga, bootcamp, and trail runs and mountain biking.  I also have a girls trip planned for next week and Stewart and I have a trip to Vegas for the week after but today I feel maybe a tiny bit depressed.  The HUGE high and build up of last week and yesterday is just over - just like that but you do have some great memories.  Some of those best memories were having all of the kids ( only Noah has seen me do an Ironman before) and family cheer me on.  They were such a welcome bright spot every time I see them.  Hearing your kids call you your hero and say I am so proud of you lets you know that you are doing a great job of being a wonderful role model and example for them.  I know many people think training takes away from family time but if you do it right, it really doesn't and it provides your kids with so much more.  I love that my kids see me as so much more than mom but someone who goes after what she wants, is not afraid to go after my dreams, never backs down from a challenge and has my own hobbies, desires, and dreams.

Chattanooga was just awesome.  It is one of my favorite places to be and getting to go there on Thursday and spend time with Riley before the race made it that much more special.  The town knows how to put on an ironman and the crowd support was wonderful .  I think this was the first time that I ever ran with someone setting fireworks off over my head.

I knew that I wanted to be in the 12 hour zone and I wanted a PR.  I knew that the swim would be a PR  - regardless of current, I was swimming down a river.  I was super excited to PR my bike and my run as well!!

As I jumped off the dock, the man yelled at me " You ready to have a PR swim" and yes I was!!  This was also the first time I have ever done an Ironman without a wetsuit which was a huge accomplishment for me!  Although I am still not a super fast swimmer, this summer I really became confident in my swim.  Beside not being able to swim straight the swim was uneventful.  After seeming like we stood in line forever, we were running down the dock to jump in.  Stewart still had not put on his cap or goggles so I turned around to see if he had jumped in.  I didn't see him again until about 25 minutes later when I saw a foot with red tape under me - I yelled at him, we talked for a moment and then swam on.  Neither of us knew we were even by each other and we were super excited to exit the swim ladder 3 seconds a part!  The only time I was going to see him that day and I loved it!  Both of us not being strong swimmers were celebrating being out of the water.  Loved having the kids waiting on us and thought about seeing them the whole 2.4 or more as I weaved my way down the river.

The bike was great!  I loved that I had biked it a couple of times so I knew where I was all the time.  I also knew it was a beautiful course in the valley of the mountains so I made sure I took the time to enjoy the scenery. Liz and I discussed me riding steady and easy on the hills.  My goal was to be in the 6 hour range and I was.  I stopped at the 60 mile mark to grab my bag and chat with the family ( so much fun again) and stopped one more time to fill my bottles but the rest of the time was all go.  So this summer, I did a lot of solo riding as Liz often had me riding on Sunday and nobody rides on Sunday or I rode solo because I was always behind Stewart.  Paid off huge yesterday as mentally I was good the whole time!  I was use to being alone and enjoyed the few conversations that I had with my fellow racers.  In fact, the time seemed to go by really fast.

I started the run and felt good, was hoping to run steady enough, walk through the aid stations and average close to 9 minute mile.  This worked for awhile and then I hit the hills!  Holy Hilly!  It was crazy!  After the first 13 miles, I decided I didn't care if I met my goal, my new goal was to enjoy it, soak it in, and get to finish.  Somehow I managed to get a PR from previous ironman runs but I seemed to be walking more than running.  Before I knew it - I was rounding the corner to hit the finish line.

I have said it before and I will say it again.  There is nothing like an ironman finish line!  Just thinking about it brings me to tears.  This is where all your training, dedication, hard work come together and it is so emotional and so amazing as you run through crazy screaming fans to bright lights, music, people cheering and giving you high five and your family there waiting!!  After 12 hours and 41 minutes all my hard work this summer and the day was over!  You can not imagine.  I am so thankful that I have a body and mind that allows me to do this!  I was once again reminded what a lucky girl I was!

Finally saw Stewart and saw that he had a great day and did an 11:52 on his first ironman even after possibly biking too hard ( surprise) and running like a crazy person with a 6:52 first mile.  I was so proud of him and do not think I quit smiling the rest of the night!

I do have to brag - although he beat me by an hour - I beat him in the swim by 3 seconds and on the run by 15 minutes.  Sorry baby... it wouldn't be right if I didn't throw that in there.

We went to mellow mushroom but I really couldn't eat and then we went to the finish line and brought home the last finishers.  Truly inspiring!  The last finisher made it with a minute to spare.

I couldn't sleep at all because my foot was killing me and my appetite finally returned so I found myself up before 5:00 and walking to waffle house for a quick snack.

So... for now - not sure what my plans are going to be.  I am definitely taking some time to just be but I may have a half ironman in the future, race a half marathon, run sylamore and finally break my 6 hour time goal after being so close for two years, do ragbrai, or just become a sprint specialist.  I do know that Stewart is more than likely going to sign up for Louiville Ironman.  That I think - I mean I am pretty sure I am going to pass.  I will just concentrate on my Sherpa skills starting with the NOLA 70.3... can't think of a better place to Sherpa and just as much as I hate riding in the heat - I really hate riding in the cold

Thanks Chattanooga Ironman!!  You were awesome!

Trust your training - trust your coach- trust yourself

Trust your training- trust your coach- trust yourself. This will be my mantra for the next 20 days. Now is the time when I began to become afraid and question everything. Did you do enough? Did you do enough quality? Everyone seems to be doing more or less than you and possibly doing smarter and more quality work outs. This weekend especially as Stewart had a longer bike than me and all the doubts began to creep in... I should be doing more, maybe I will abandon my plan and jump on his but then I have to remember I pay and hired Liz cuz she is a smart lady. She knows what she is doing and she knows me.   She just sent me an article about racing and fear and it had such great points.

Fear makes you realize that something is worth it. What fun would it be to do everything perfectly and know no one could beat you. The fear and the challenge is what makes it worth it and what makes the win meaningful. I  definitely not going for a win at ironman but I would like a well executed day with a PR at the end. Fear has set in. I biked the course and it seemed harder than I remembered. The wind seemed extra fierce and all the doubts begin to creep in. I need to remember what I tell my cc kids everyday. The mind controls the body. I constantly make them tell I am a beast while doing hard work outs. I want them to think that instead of thinking I  dying.  Today I will start thinking I am a beast and will continue until I hear Mike Riely yell you are an ironman!! Just the thought of those words can bring me to tears and still give me chills. They have been repeated in my head during many of long training days. Taper is here but not really, I still have a pretty hard week but that just gives me more time to trust in myself

This weekend I raced a sprint and there is nothing like a sprint to remind me why I live triathlon. The great thing about IM training is it relaxes me. I am too busy and too tired to stress about a race. Race morning my race wheel had a piece of glass in it. After two attempts of changing the tire, we just stuck my training wheel back on. Did I hate it? Yes, stress about it ? No. Due to all my early wake up calls, I had no trouble getting to the race early which gave me extra time to talk and meet many of those around me. Much to Stewart just shaking his head. I did do a very short warm up and felt great in the water

Started the race with the female winner behind me and she was from Germantown.  Funny to come out of town to meet a hometown triathlete. Based on her swim time, I knew she was faster. My plan was to hold her off as long as I could. She did catch me and I was kind of relieved because know I could draft. Unfortunately we only had 25 yds left. I did not pass anyone else but she was the only one to pass me. Although my swim was still slow as crap, it was faster for me!

We came out of water together and I made what I think the first mistake that could have cost me the win. We had a long run back to transition and for some reason, I became confused and ran under the taped area we were suppose to run in and entered transition from the wrong side. I knew I screwed up and looked around, saw what I was suppose to do, ran back out and corrected it. Although this cost me some time, what it did cost me was leaving transition with the first place girl. She only outbiked me by about 40 seconds and it makes me wonder what I could have done if we left head to head. I pushed hard on the bike abs repeated catch that group over and over in my head as I saw those in front of me. It was s hilly ride and I was pleased with my average. I have also gone from an all water drinker to a lover of scratch ( just a side note). I caught the then 2nd place girl with about a mile left and she did catch back up to enter T2 together. I know this is not always right but based on the fact that she outweighed me, I was planning on being the faster runner. T2 is my specialty- I was in and out and searching for the 1st place girl. The course was winding and hilly and you couldn't see who was in front of you. It was also hilly as hell. I knew the run would be my struggle. I need speed work and fast foot turn over to even attempt to be fast. I have had neither in IM training. 7:40's are fast for me these days. Not surprisingly my run pace was 7:30 ish. My second mistake was not taking a guy when I left T2.  I felt so bonky but had no water until turn around to take mine and what a difference it made. So I am still looking and chasing and we did a little loop behind the school so I missed first place girl. And I begin to give up in my head. I settled for 2nd place. I knew 3rd was not close. I ended up beating her by 6 minutes!  1st outran me by 20 seconds!!! I did what I always tell my cc kids never to do!  Don't give up and don't settle!!  Stewart said later he heard them yell - here comes 1st girl and was sad it was not me. The great thing is I would have loved to win- who wouldn't but the days are beating myself up are over. I did what I could and I had a great time doing it!

Stewart has just turned into a beast. He was 5th or 6th overall and after good swim for him, a killer bike, he managed to run that hilly course with a 6:30 pace on legs that were trashed from ironman. It is amazing to see his improvement. He has already signed up for NOLA half and has his eye on another IM for next year - not me!  I plan to be Sherpa extraordinaire and sprint race master. I also have requested that Stew take private swim lessons. He gets that swim fixed, he is going to be a beast

As we are 20 days out from Ironman and Stew begins his packing list. I  am stressing over my underwear for the underwear run. They need to be perfect as well as the shirts that our awesome friend Liz is designing for our spectators

I have also started my post ironman list...

sleep in and lay around drinking coffee
Go to boot camp!
Go to yoga!
Girls weekend
Trip to Vegas with big daddy
Read
The possibilities are endless!!

The big dance is almost here ....

That I Needed......

As I drive to Chicago I am reflecting back on yesterday's race. Reviewing the good, the bad, how I felt etc is an important part of the race process. I am still all over the place when it comes to triathlon these days. I still say this may be my last season, it is time to move on and then the next thoughts are  Just doing sprints seems appealing as well.  As I put on my bathing suit, I said to Stewart this may be the last time I wear this suit as I will not wear it in ironman. I hope to squeeze in one more sprint before I close the season out with Chattanooga

So 4 weeks ago when I would think about this half, I was excited, I was ready to race, I wanted a PR. I felt like my performance at Waterfront was good but not what I wanted. I had trouble with getting my body to race after so many months of aerobic training. I thought the half would be perfect because I could race at just slightly higher than aerobic pace.

After Chattanooga, my work outs begin to really pick up. Two things happened, I lost about 4-5 lbs. even Riley was shocked when she saw me and my long bike rides begin to go to hell. Losing 4-5 lbs on me is huge and as I look back I think this could possibly be a contributing factor in these rides. I love junk but since marrying Stewart we just really don't eat it or buy it. My eating has really cleaned up but I have found with the type of training I have been putting in, I need junk. I have a high metabolism and pretty much clean eating and high miles were leaving me pretty lean.

On each long ride, I was getting nauseous, sick, headache, dizzy, clammy and just kind of out of it by the end. Most of these I pushed through. In Arkansas two weeks ago I knew pushing through was going to lead to an ER visit. I have done this sport long enough to know the difference between I am hot, tired, cranky, and ready to be done between something not right. After each of these rides I was scared. Scared because I knew I was looking at a big ole DNF in Chattanooga in the face. No way would my body have let me complete an Ironman

Nothing like an email from Liz with a big Fix it NOW to let u know u better get your butt in gear. Luckily I went on a big taper week and Riley was in town and I ate poorly and I ate a ton like I was still training high miles. This resulted with me going into the half closer to my old race weight. Believe me like any girl seeing low numbers on the scale is awesome but wisdom and maturity I also know that sometimes it is not ideal. I also began to quiz everyone on their nutrition and think back to years past and what I did then.

After talking with Liz, we decided that I wasn't getting in nearly enough calories on the bike nor enough electrolytes. Of course I wasn't because I felt sick and bloated and food and water just made me want to yak. We also decided That I was riding too hard and my hr was too high so my body could not properly digest the food

Believe me I stressed about it all week. Was I going to get my first ever DNF?  What should I eat, what should I drink?? After a week of stressing, I was walking down in downtown Springfield and passed a beautiful cathedral. I told Stewart I need to go in here. My catholic upbringing took over and I was in there lighting a candle and saying a prayer. Yes praying for a triathlon. I did throw in some prayers for others who needed them for serious stuff so I wouldn't seem too self absorbed. Mostly I prayed for peace and a calm mind

That night I told Stewart I need to not think of this as a race but a long training day. I need to work on my nutrition, dial it back, relax, and if my fitness is there I will still have a good race. My mind was now relaxed and at peace

So I did not get a PR and I was 10-15 mins slower than hoped but the course and conditions were harder than I expected. The swim was a disaster. I am not sure what happens to me swimming in a large body of water but I just suck. I can't swim straight, I can't sight, I find myself swimming towards the bank instead of the buoys. The water was rough very rough and I was having a hard time getting a rhythm. It seemed I still kept running into people almost a mile into it. In fact you swam right at the beginning turned around and headed left. At this point, I swam head onto someone. Liz had told me with your fitness,  you can swim this under 40 minutes. The thing is I don't get tired or winded, I just swim slow!! As I hit the turn around bouy for the Olympic distance race, I looked at my watch and saw 33 which I knew under 40 was not going to happen. In fact I swam my slowest half iron swim ever!!!  I think it was long but of course I did. I did hear others say it as well. I decided that ironman swim straight down the river was going to be easier.

As I exited the swim I told myself to forget it. Nothing I could do now. Another girl racking her bike must have had the same thoughts because I heard her husband yell don't worry about it. The sad thing is in that mess of s swim I still passed many men who started 4 minutes ahead of me

The bike started and so did the head winds, the rain and a few slight rollers. This was a tougher ride than I anticipated.  I saw lightening in the distance and really dark clouds but luckily we just got rain. One thought was in my mind eat and drink. Relax.  I was already upset because with the head wind I wasn't riding as fast as I wanted. I let everything settle for about 15 mins and took my first gu. I was also using base salt because Liz said enduralytes were a no goal. Every 5 miles, I was suppose to stick my finger in , get some salt and lick. I also used this 5 miles to drink as well.  Of course I drank at other times too but I liked this scheduled drinking.  I did great on my fueling took in 3 bottles of water, bottle of scratch, Gus, power bar and honey stinger waffle.  I also would feel hungry which was a good thing, my body was processing food. I met a guy on the ride and we rode the whole thing pretty much close. We often would ride side to side talking. This worked well with my dial it back attitude. Yes we could have got a blocking penalty   Around mile 10 on a really windy section, my speed started going all over the place. It was showing me biking 3 mph.  This proved to be a Godsend. I thought it was the wind blowing against the magnet but whatever the issue my computer was worthless. I had no idea how fast I was riding. Gone was the stress about holding a certain pace or I should be riding faster I just rode which felt right. It also was nice because at one point, I thought I was about 25 miles and realized I was at 37.  Felt good on the bike. Caught and passed quite a few girls and people and as I began to approach the end of the ride, I decided since I was having no issues I would eat and prepare for the run. Smartest thing I could have done.

Got off the bike and had to pee ( here comes TMI ) but was thrilled to relieve myself  all over myself during transition and at every water stop for the next 5 miles. Boy was I hydrated. Could not have been happier as I knew I fueled correctly.

I never run with a garmin but decided I would this race and once again great new decision. I knew I could run an 8:15-8:30 pace safely.  I started out fast and remembered Liz saying everything feels easy the first 3 miles don't do it. With the help of garmin, I backed it down    The rain stopped just in time for the run and came sun and humidity. The run was hilly but I could not have felt better. I continued with ice down top, ice over head, water, salt , gu and felt amazing!! The miles clicked off. Never walked the hills, never walked because of heat, tired, etc. Did walk through aid stations as planned.  People were dropping like crazy , walking saying it is so hot and I was like thank you Memphis!!! Nothing more encouraging to have everyone cheering u on and saying u look so strong. Continues to pass more and more people to have a guy say I think u r 8th overall. I was more than pleased. It didn't even matter because I was having my race and I was winning. Before I knew it I was done!  Came across the line, I was sore but hungry! Yes ... Body was using my food. I didn't need to take any anti nauseous meds as had been the habit

I am ready to tackle the last 9 weeks of ironman. It isn't going to be easy but I don't expect it to be but first a couple of R and R and no training in Chicago!!!

Racing Scared...

So...

I have a half ironman this weekend and if I recall I use to love to race a half.  Really one of my favorite distances.  I was really looking forward to this race and now I am scared!  I think the last time I was this nervous before I was going into a race was IM wisconsion.  I am soooo nervous and not because I don't feel fit.  I actually feel really fit.  Well fit to hold distances at a steady pace.  If I had to sprint or run a mile faster then the mid 7's, I may just break down into one puddle of mess.  So training was going really well - got the steroids for the foot and all was well and then I hit two disastrous weekends of long bike fueling.  One of them I spent the last hour of the bike sick as a dog and just prayed to get off the bike but once I started running things were a little better but it was not good.  I was determined that next week I needed to nail my nutrition.  Well next week was a disaster.  I didn't nail crap and was once again sick but this time I had an added pounding headache.  Climbing back into the hot head wind the last 13 miles to get to my car were like a death march.  More than once, I just wanted to sit on the side of the road and wait.  What I was waiting for, I am not sure as the group I was with had dropped me and Stewart was on another route killing the 100 miles that I should have been riding.  Finally made it back to my car and had another 30 minutes to ride and 30 minutes to run but I was done.  The miles were not quality and I was pretty sure I was one step away from an IV.  With these two disastrous long rides all confidence went with it.  As well as my confidence to race a half.  Now I have to stress about my nutrition the whole ride.  Stress I will, I won't be able to shut that brain off.  I am sure every slight stomach ache or head ache will have me thinking this is the beginning of the end. 

What is going on with my nutrition I am not sure.  I have always trained this way but it is not working.  Possibly because I am riding a bit harder which is a good thing but I need to change my nutritional needs to follow this new energy output?  Who knows?  We are trying to figure it out?  So I keep reminding myself to think of this weekend as training and not a race.  But I am disappointed because I want to consider this a race... Yesterday on time hop an old race report popped up from last year.  It was titled whatever... I was so relaxed at that race, no expectations.  I want that feeling back!  Last year it was easy because I wasn't training much but this year I am putting in a lot of work and I want some payback.  I do have expectations!!  To say I am obsessed with this weekend may be an understatement.  I guess it is time to practice some mindfulness or stress relieving yoga or something.  I just want Saturday to get here and for me to magically morp to the run!  Preferably to mile 13 of the run.  I also have been on a huge taper week and we all know that can make you nuts.  My calves feel like they are going to rip out of my legs, I am so tired how can I every execute a 5 hour plus race.  Taper is crap.  It really is.  I never do well on taper.  I get a sore throat, I get a stomach ache, my legs may fall off, anything you can imagine....

Everyone says Ironman is a journey and this definitely has been one.  I keep thinking it will be one more trial to add to my celebration as I cross the finish line.  So this weekend I am asking for prayers, mojo, good thoughts from everyone.  I am hoping my mind can relax and I can enjoy this distance that I love!  Then as a bonus I get some R and R in Chicago and what is even better no training!  So I sit here typing to hopefully take my mind off this race for a while and to have this report as a memory.  Maybe next year when it pops up on time hop, I can think how silly I was to worry about something that turned out great!

Happy Racing....

Ironman Training and the Life of a Domestic Goddess....

Busy has become my middle name.  It seems if I do not have a bike under my butt or a bathing suit on I am playing stay at home mom extraordinaire.  I am not sure how I ever stayed a stay at home mom for all those years.  I did not go back to work until Morgan was in JK.  No wonder I was a crazy person back then.. ok crazier than I am now.  Everyday is just an endless supply of cooking, making lunches for Stewart and Noah ( who is working 9-5), laundry, cleaning up after kids, and running errands and driving kids everywhere!!  I also have thrown in multiple trips to Lausanne for meetings, coaching, teaching camp, etc.  This has not been a relaxing summer but through all the chaos I am thankful for each day.  Thankful for the family and the life I have.  Last summer, I chose to redo and paint the downstairs bathroom which was a joke and I ended up bribing the boys with cash to finish for me. An artist I am not.  This summer I have decided to get new light fixtures, redo the dining room and kitchen, and recover the kitchen chairs.  The same chairs that I bought along with a kitchen table on a bike ride.  The next week I bought an awesome antique cabinet on the ride.  The men no longer let me go in for water.  Regardless the fun never stops around here!  :)   The other day I was complaining about the geese crossing the road and how I was going to call the homeowners association and file a complaint.  They take forever to cross and there is goose crap everywhere.  Stewart has taken this as a sign that I need to get back to work.  Not yet... I have a bunch of training to fit in before everything gets insane.  I will have about 3 weeks of insane.  More than any girl should ask for.  On the training front, things are going well.  I am riding well... hung with the A boys last night.. only girl up there and tempo and runs are great.  I do feel fit.  Swim is just swim.. easier, more efficient but never faster.  SMH...  my body is doing its best to stay together.  Lots of Foot issues and IT issues which are still stemming from my antiobotic fiasco and I am finally calling Uncle and going to see Croft tomorrow before I dig myself into a hole.  Actually I am loving IM training.  Surprised?  Very.  I do get tired and I count the work outs down to rest days but all in all I am embracing it.  Loving the long rides and the neat places I have been able to ride.  I have been lucky to get some great rides in Chatt and Monteagle as of late.   I have a half in two weeks and if all continues I feel fit and have high hopes of a good race.  Fingers crossed... oops.. got to go pick little bit up from cheer.  Today I have driven to and from my house a total of 12 times.. 12!!  Maybe I do need to get back to work!!!

Waterfront Triathlon Chattanooga

So... I finally raced again this season.  It seems like forever ago that I did Cedars of Lebanon and so much has happened.  I was more than looking forward to this race because anytime I can be in Chattanooga it is a good thing!  We could not have asked for a better day as the day was just absolutely gorgeous - one of those where you just want to spend all day outside and guess what I did!!

So Ironman training is going and even though some days it is annoying, I am mostly enjoying it.  A lot has happened and I feel like I have just kept plugging along and knocking off one day at a time.  The week of Cedars, I was sick.  I was on antibiotic, received a breathing treatment, and a steroid shot.  I felt better for a day and by the time race day dawned, I felt like total hell and was running a fever.  I could not decide rather to race or not but since it was super short I went ahead and raced and had a great day.  From there on, I just could not get well.  Went to see doc twice more, received another steroid shot and some other meds and just still felt so tired and could not quit coughing.  When we got to Arizona, I was exhausted and just quit training the whole week and slept a ton.  I also started running a fever and decided that I really thought I had pneumonia.  The doc sent me a prescription for Levaquin which is used to treat pneumonia.  The good thing was after two pills, my coughing was done completely!  I was more than ecstatic!!!  The first side effect listed was tendonitis.  Stewart went to pick up my meds and I was like please talk to the pharmacist.  The pharmacist said she has nothing to worry about.  Ha.. since then I have two PT's tell me an athlete should never take levaquin.  It can do some crazy things to athletes.

So, we return from Arizona which was awesome even though I missed out on some good eating because I was just not feeling my best.  This was a true bummer especially the night we went to a restaurant that had over 60 kinds of homemade pie!  I ran one time the whole week but my leg was feeling a little weird and so was my foot.  Hmm.. odd?  I haven't even done anything but had been hiking and climbing at slippery rock so just figured that was the culprit.  Sunday morning in Memphis I ran a great 13 miles.  The last couple of miles, my foot was killing me!! And it was even worse   after running.  A few days later, I had a tempo and some hill repeats.  The run was great but as I was running my cool down, shooting pains were stopping me in my track.  It felt so weird and not like any IT pain I had before.  I limped back to the house.  I could not have ran if someone was holding a gun to my head.  After some doc visits, we decided that this pain was tendonitis and we think it was definitely med induced.  I stopped taking my meds immediately and started treatment.  It is better but still having some major foot pain especially AFTER running.  It takes about a day or two before I can run again.  This week is going to be interesting as I have some back to back days of running so fingers are crossed.

So forward to racing.  I was looking forward to the Olympic as I have not raced one since 2011.  It is not my favorite distance and the hardest for me to race.  With the mile swim, I have such a disadvantage.  No matter how long I swim or how much, I just never seem to get faster.  I am no longer waiting for the breakthrough.  My endurance gets better but speed stays the same. I feel like my form has also improved hugely but I am just not a swimmer.  The half I can race, the bike and the run are longer so I can make up the lost time but with the oly, I just don't have the time on the bike and run.  Liz just told me to try and finish each event stronger than I started.

Stewart and I were 660 and 661.  You get bused up to the swim start and swim down the river to transition.  The day was beautiful so we had fun just hanging in the field waiting for our time to start.  It was a time trail start.  Stewart says I am going to just swim right behind you.  Even with a 3 second time trial start - it seemed the river was packed with swimmers as soon as you entered.  At one point, I remember thinking I wonder if Stewart is with me because I was definitely not holding a line very well.  Next thing I know I get whacked in the head, I look up to see who that was and it was Stewart!  I continued to get hit a couple of more times, leg, head, shoulders so I just kept Stewart in my sights.  We both finished the swim together in 23:30 which was good for both of us but placed me 17th in my AG and Stewart was 34th  leaving the water.  Ugh!!  Just let me be a swimmer!!!  ( on a side note, Stewart went on to kill the bike and run and finish 12 in his AG and 90 overall for men)  This race has over a 1000 racing.  A little more training and racing and I have a feeling - he is going to be one hell of a triathlete!

I knew the bike had a lot of long hills and I just wanted to start out steady and not blow up.  And I did that pretty much the first 13 miles to the turn around.  I was passing a ton of people even though I was not pushing and not even breathing hard but felt pleased with my ride as no one had passed me.  At the turn around, two girls and a guy passed me and I was like go with them but at that moment, I was switching water bottles around in my cages, taking a gu and the moment passed.  I didn't go and I still regret that I did not chase.  They were the only people to pass me on the bike.  As I neared the end of the bike (which is slightly longer than the regular 24 miles in an Olympic but is 26 miles in Chattanooga.  It seems all the races are long in Chatt. )  and I reminded myself it was time to GO!!  I began to stand up on each hill and try to push but it was like it was just not there.  I felt like I was on one of my Saturday am long rides.  My head wanted it but it was like my body did not respond.  Not once did my legs burn, not once did my lungs burn and more than once the thought went through my head that I was kind of holding half iron pace.  The good thing was that if I needed to bike 30 more miles, it would not have been a problem.  I averaged just slightly over 18.5 which was quite a bit slower than my last race but this was super hilly and on this course I was going to take it  but I still felt like I needed to do more.

The run started up the big hill - same big hill we will run at the start of Ironman but I felt fine.  In fact I felt fine the whole run, I felt strong and nothing hurt.  I was passing tons of people and no one passed me on the run.  I kept asking myself - is this it? you are really not hurting?  My answer was well you are passing tons of people - yes but maybe they are just slow and all the fast people are up front? ( they were, they started in the 1-200)  I definitely was not in pain as I was able to talk to others along the way and respond to those who yelled at me about my suit.  Once again, the thought went through my head that I felt like I was holding a training pace or my half iron pace.  I finished and definitely could have ran more if needed.  I averaged 7:57 - much slower than I wanted so my thoughts were confirmed, today was pretty much one big long training day.  I even had a man that I met at the start of the race say to me I saw you come off the bike, I saw you finish - you looked great!  Yeah - I guess great should not be the word you should describe yourself in racing.  I ended up being 7th on the bike and 4th on the run in my age group - not complaining but I think I could have done more.  I am calling it a successful day as I was hoping to be in the top 10 and I was number 9.  I did make my goal and there were superfast ladies ( I guess all way in front of me) at this race as it was the Southeast Championship but I was disappointed a little in myself.  Today my foot hurts and I am concerned.  I am in Chattanooga and Mont Eagle until next week so I can't even get to the doc.  I keep hoping that it is going to heal itself.  I am motivated and enjoying training but I am tired of all the road blocks.   I did receive a nice quote from the ironman page the other day " A road with no obstacles is most likely a path that leads nowhere"

I am excited and ready to keep moving forward.  I am looking forward to some great bikes and runs this week in Chattanooga.  I was able to visit the local Y today to get in a swim which is always fun to me.  I love to see different facilities and swim in new places.  I am also ready  for this old body to just hang on a little bit longer!!

Ironman Forward!!

Bad racing juju be gone

So I can't talk so I may as well write a race report. It is so weird not talking but the effort of doing so brings me to a fit of coughing so I have chosen to be silent. It is awful. I must say. Not sure why anyone would want to be quiet when there is so much to say

Regardless I have decided I am done with bad racing juju. We all know Boston was not the experience I hoped and leading up to and after I was dealing with a variety of injuries. I was more than ready to throw in the towel and was so over it all. It was just too much. I had decided to give one more push and let this race at cedars be a turning point or at least I hoped. It wasn't easy. I had missed about 25 days of running total before and after the marathon and yes lost some fitness. Running was hard, I was feeling out of shape, I had to concentrate on getting my leg to do the correct motion, and it hurt. I also was spending tons of time in PT. I decided I really hated running and when a run popped up on the schedule I dreaded it. I just wanted to swim. That should tell you how bad running was going but I decided to fight. I was going to do this race and was hoping to do well

So I went to Chattanooga to see my beautiful daughter which is great fun but Dallas and I have a love/hate relationship. Love him and hate his hair. I was there maybe 5 minutes when my eyes were itching and I was loading up on allergy meds. Came home late Sunday and by Tuesday morning I knew something was not right in the asthma department. This does happen quite often after a visit with Dallas. Tuesday night after my bike and run, I felt like a semi had run over me twice. I slept none Tuesday night but slept all day Wednesday and most of Thursday. Headed to the doc on Thursday for breathing treatment and a steroid shot. Thursday night I felt great. I even hit up a Lausanne baseball game and completed my swim workout. I didn't work Wed/Thursday but felt fine for Friday. By the afternoon, I began to feel a sore throat, tightness in chest returning. By the time we hit packet pick up, I felt awful again. I chose to ignore it because this was my turn around race. I had a 50 minute bike ride to do and we figured we ride the course for part. I have become completely reliable on Stewart for all things pertaining to travel. I thought he knew the course and he thought o knew the course as I raced this race many years ago on a different course. We set out and then realized we were nowhere near the course. And we continued to get lost again. I began to feel a little stressed as my 50 min ride was hitting the 1:30 mark. And we were riding super hilly roads although the names were comical. At one point we were on the corner of Chicken Rd and Tater Picker. I was more than ready to be done so when we happened upon a Dollar General, I decided to wait for Stewart to find his way back and get me in the car. Sitting on the sidewalk of a dollar general parking lot on A Friday night in a town with Tater Picker as a street is quite amusing. We finally made it to dinner where due to sickness or tiredness I fell off and knocked over the bar stool after one drink and found myself asleep on the hotel room floor while Stewart showered. I was beginning to doubt my ability to race the next day.   I did get a great night sleep but woke up feeling like hell. Decided o would warm up and see how I felt. I ran for 10 minutes and the great thing was my leg was feeling normal!!! The bad was I think I had a fever I was so overheated and the running killed my throat. I decided to forgo the swim warm up as the water was 76 and it was beginning to rain I did not want to stand there and be cold.

I decided I was racing because it was short and I would at least finish even if it wasn't pretty. The swim was short and sweet but cold. I hit that water and it was Cold ! It was wetsuit legal but I had no wetsuit   After momentarily taking my breath, I began to swim and felt fine. Actually I felt fine the whole race. Could I have been faster if I wasn't sick, who knows? But never at any moment did I feel like I was racing poorly due to being unwell. The great thing was my bike computer fell off at the start of the ride so I had no idea how fast I was riding. I just rode and chased and did the same on the run. Endorphins are an amazing thing because as soon as I finished I began majorly coughing and having breathing difficulties.  As of now I feel like hell but have chosen to ignore it. I also chose to start my antibiotics.  I got a spark today and it was great!  I wanted to be racing, I want to be faster   I am ready to see improvements. So come hell or high water, I am getting in a solid three weeks of training before I leave on vacay.  The floods may come but I am pushing on. Feels good to have some spark back!  If only my voice would come back!!!

Turning a corner ( fingers crossed)

On Friday night I drove home from my middle school track meet in tears. I was ready to be done. I just had dinner with Stewart and told him I was getting my money back from ironman and calling the season done   After a long day at work with sports fest and then a long track meet, I was hurting so bad I could barely sit through dinner. I just wanted to go home and lay on the heating pad and sleep. In fact since March 21,  that has been my main goal. Get to bed, lay on heat and try to sleep. Hence the word try to sleep. I was in so much pain at night, I would wake up every 30 minutes it seems. Let's just say I have  not been a real fun person to be around.  I can not imagine how people out there live with chronic pain.  I know there are plenty out there that have more pain than I and it is everyday and I can not imagine it.  The pain that I felt pretty much clouded everything I did.  From being a good mom, wife, athlete, employee, etc.  It was also so frustrating because I wanted to do more and physically couldn't or was just too worn out.  Stewart has picked up major slack on household duties for me these past few weeks.  Doing my job has just been awful. The other day one of the coaches, yelled run!  I had to yell back, I can't.  I need to be able to be physical at work. My job is not one that is fun to do when you are hurting. I am always up, moving, motivating kids, etc.  It's hard when in the back of your mind you just want to lie down.
 I can almost remember the good ole days of no pain.   It was  March 21, I had been running great. Feeling on top of the world. Hitting every work out. I just had an awesome bike where I was so pleased with my paces and was ready and thinking my season was going to be great if I kept this up.  Maybe even feeling a little cocky.  Karma anyone? Then  everything fell apart. A groin injury  from this bike ride which then  led to IT band issues, butt, hip, lower back and then laughingly shoulder issues has made the last 6 weeks hell. And for fun I got to run a marathon in the middle of this in cold windy rain. Looking back on this race I thought I was mentally weak because I felt like I just gave up.  Now I think it maybe was one of the most mentally strong moments I have had in a while. I have lots of mental strength to move forward and forge ahead.  This is something that has been an asset my whole life and one that served me well in my first marriage.  Pick yourself up after every blow and just keep marching.  I am proud to say it is something that I have tried to instill in my kids because I believe it is a very strong character trait to have and one that will serve you well in life.  It has also served me well in training and racing.  I may not have the time to train ideally or the physical strength of a superb athlete but I do have my mind. But lately  I could really feel my mentality waning.  There is nothing I do not like more than a quitter and I was about to become one.  My overall daily satisfaction was at all time low. I felt it was just too much , had reached the end and I was going  to allow myself to quit.

 So after the marathon I really did nothing for 10 days but swim and bike easy. Hence the incredibly painful shoulder issue on the side with my metal plate. After 10 days I ran for the first time.  I was really nervous about this run because I knew it was not going to be  pretty.  My legs still were somewhat tired.  I still am in awe of how much recovery I needed after that marathon.  I guess when you run 18 miles on legs that are done, they get tore up pretty bad.  As I predicted the run was a joke! Slow, painful and all those issues were back times ten. I really just wanted to throw a temper tantrum in the middle of the street.  I have been known to do.  Ok,  maybe more than once especially in ironman training.  I also have ran a whole hour run on the trails in tears.  Not out of physical pain but out of mental exhaustion.  So I am no stronger to some bad training days.  This time I went straight to Marty our PT as school and we examined everything.   I  am so lucky to have the resources I have at work and those guys went to town.

So back to being ready to throw in the towel... Friday night I went to bed and prayed for a sign, a sign I should continue or quit. Saturday I woke up and had a great - ok good but in my mind it was great 65 mile bike and a pretty decent run. Today I ran 40 minutes and it was the hardest 40 I have ran in awhile. I CANNOT BELIEVE I RAN A MARATHON 15 days ago. It was so much work to get the leg to do the running motion and do it correctly. I never concentrated so much on a run. I had sweat pouring down my head and I was slow but I was running and almost running normal!  Plus I Was so happy to be back on the trails.  They are my happy place and something I had abandoned too much during marathon training.  Although the leg was tight and not right I had no pain and none after. I swam and had minimal pain after the swim. Was this my sign??   Saying don't give up yet, you got this. I really think it was.  I think it was the answer I needed.  Yes,  you are not perfect but you are improving.  It will be work but you can do this.  We can beat this injury and I am sure the others that may come.   It is going to be some work to get to the finish line but once again I feel ready to put it in. PT, yoga, strength exercise, etc but I need to get through this season.  I am still in awe that I made it through 2 days of training and felt ok.  I am hoping this was not a fluke because I really do feel it was my sign that said we are going forward, not backward Leslie Crais.  Put on your big girl pants and get moving!     Now about that race I have in two weeks, that is another  story.  I am not sure what will happen but hey I have two weeks and in just 24 hours I feel like I made leaps and bounds.

The day was great, It was filled with church, kids activities, soccer games, hanging out on the patio with family and the whole time I kept thinking to myself - nothing hurts... you don't hurt.  I am calling this weekend a victory!!

Boston....

****Please excuse all typos and grammatical errors



Boston....

What can I say about this day.  I have so many thoughts whirling in my head that I may just need to do talking points or a list.

I guess I can start with the disclaimer that I really do not like a marathon.  And I can't figure out why?  I can run a 50k and think it is the best thing ever but a marathon not so much.  Maybe it is all those miles on the pavement and I just really need the trails to enjoy the long.  Boston was my 4th open marathon to run and will probably be my last.  After running the Ironman marathon this Sept then I most likely will never do the 26.2 distance again.  Who am I kidding?  I may never race again.  I really am having trouble with feeling any kind of race mojo this season.  I joke of retiring but that joke may be coming more of a reality.  So back to my feelings on the marathon.  My first ever was St. Jude back when Morgan was about 3 and I was new to running.  I just had to try it out.  Riley's good friend had just died of cancer and I thought why not??  Well.. I ran it with no nutrition and no idea what I was doing and HATED it... I even yelled at my family when they cheered for me on the course.  I said I would never do another and didn't for quite some while.

I ran the Indiana Marathon many years later because Jennie Vee and others were training for it and I thought it would be fun!  I qualified for Boston and as I came across the finish line I was miserable.  JV yells you qualified!!  Be happy and I yelled I will never run another marathon again.  And I did not run Boston that year.  Fast forward to 2014, once again I thought I wanted to do another Marathon.  Signed up for Baton Rouge and hoped to qualify.  I was running some but not a lot.  Stewart and I had just gotten engaged and we were traveling and busying just enjoying each other so I missed a lot of long runs but did lots of shorter faster stuff.  Marathon day dawned and It was beautiful weather and a great course and I "faked " it and ran 6 mins faster than my qualifying time.  I again qualified for Boston and thought this is your third chance to go, you are not getting any younger, you need to go.  So I went...

Training was going great and I felt great.  I wasn't running tons of miles but I felt fit.  I expected a pretty good race and I thought the day would be great.  Then I got hurt and it would not heal so I quit running and then I quit biking and then I quit swimming.  I ran for the first time the day before the race to see how it would feel.  It wasn't painful but it wasn't right.  I ran 6 minutes but I felt exhausted and I asked Stewart what is our pace??  The 8:30 felt like a 6:30.  I hurt the rest of the day after that run and that night at dinner, JV says you look like you are limping.

So before I get to the race, I keep pondering what went wrong?  Why did my legs completely fail me?  Yes, the conditions were not great but I do not believe they were a factor.  Maybe they were some and I just did not realize it.  Was it because I had done no significant running in over 3 1/2 weeks and no running at all for 10 + days?  Was it because I was running slightly different due to my left leg?  Was it because I had been on a steroid leading up to the race and my nutrition sucked.  I had lost about 4 lbs because with a steroid I just don't want to eat and my eating leading into the race was certainly not fueling my body.  Sure I had a nice pre race carb dinner but can that make up for a week of not fueling properly?? Did I go out too fast?  Based on what my paces were in training and what I ran with ease, I feel no.  I would run in the low 8's easily on my long runs and finish up in the high 7's.  I truly felt like an 8:20-8:30 pace was in the conservative zone. Was it because my legs had no activity whatsoever for days leading into the race and then it was just too much?  Was it because I really do not like a marathon and mentally I was not present.  Who Knows?

I do know this.. Boston is a beautiful city.  The people take great pride in their city and their race and I was super impressed how they were out in the cold rain supporting us.  I loved how whole families would be out there giving us water, cookies, oranges, etc .  It was a great atmosphere in a wonderful race full of tradition but like I told Stewart no matter how much you dress it up it still is a marathon.


So.. race day dawned and it was predicted to be pretty crappy.  Yes, I was not thrilled about it but I was fine with it.  I have raced and trained in bad conditions so it was what it was.   We got on the bus later so we would not have to sit out in the field too long in the cold and wet.  Our plan worked pretty well because we were dropped off, stood in the potty line and then it was time to walk to our corral.  A man was saying to each of us as we walked by.. Be proud of yourself.  This is an accomplishment.  You should be proud and I got a little teary because this was something that I kept reminding myself.  This was just not any other marathon but I was still having trouble feeling it.  People around me were so pumped up and were saying I can't believe I am here?  I can't stop smiling!  etc... and I just wasn't feeling any of it.  Maybe it goes back to having no race mojo as stated above or maybe it was because I was super worried about the left leg and how it would perform on this day.  The race started and I tried to get caught up in the excitement.  I cheered, I sang to the music, I hit hands as I ran by but not sure if my heart was really into it.  I was thrilled to notice I had no shooting pain going into my groin even though I did feel like I was favoring my right side quite a bit.  The 10k went by really fast.  I was glad my family and friends were receiving text messages of my splits because I had told them if you see 8's all is good, if you see 9's or higher something is not right.

About mile 7 I noticed my right more than my left quad was burning, really burning and I pretended not to notice. Both legs felt really fatigued.  I pushed it out of my mind because really there was no way at mile 7 I should be feeling this type of fatigue and pain.  Ignoring it I kept running and I have to say I loved the crowds but was really disappointed that no one around me was talking.  I would have loved to have found a group to chat with.  I would hear bits and pieces here and there of chatter but that was it.  It seemed everyone was focused on the task at hand. So I hit my first dark spot about mile 9 to mile 12.  Really?  This was way too early but my legs were tired and hurting and the miles were taking forever!  I really just wanted to be done already.  I was so looking forward to the half point because then I felt like I could just begin the countdown.  We did enter Welsey College around mile 12 and this was fun and I think it did do something to help brighten my mood.  I felt in a happier place and came around for a bit.  We started to hit the hills around mile 16 and my legs just felt like they had nothing in them and the downhills by this point were so painful.  By mile 18, I was once again in the dark place and my main thought was to get finished.  I was so envious thinking of Jv who I knew because of little bit was going to cut the race short.  I would have given anything to quit at that point.  And I am not going to lie.. many times the thought of screw this went through my head.  I felt close to tears and I was not having much fun.  Stewart had said he would be at mile 21 and I was praying that he was.  I needed to be able to tell someone how bad I felt, how this sucked, and how I wanted to quit.  I felt like if I could voice this it may be all better.  Well he was not there but I did seem to hit a rally point around here for a bit.  I noticed we had lots of downhill and was so disappointed I could not take advantage of them.  The legs would not allow it.  I began to repeat the mantra shuffle your feet in my head because if I tried to really pick them up, they just hurt.  At this point, I was just on major countdown.  I spent the remainder of the race this way.  Counting the miles or half miles, trying to pull my head into the game and enjoy where I was , feeling pain and fatigue in my legs, and wanting to be done.  Stewart was at mile 24 and somehow we missed each other.  I would have loved to see him at this point.  As I rounded the corner and saw the finish line, I told myself to get it together, you were doing something that people dreamed of, to enjoy it, to realize where you were, to take in the moment because I felt like I would not be back.

People around me were crying, hugging, celebrating and I did a forced victory sign as I held my hands up in the air.  I was just so happy to be able to stop moving.  Unfortunately I still had quite a trek back to the hotel.  I struggled to move forward, numbly grabbed a bottle of water, had my finisher's medal put around my neck, had a sweet volunteer dress me in my finishing warming blanket as I was like dressing a two year old and now just as my focus had been to reach the finish line, my focus was now laser beamed to reach the Sheraton hotel.  It seemed as soon as I quit running the rain and wind picked up but maybe I was just now noticing.  I was cold, shaking, and barely walking.  I knew we had to loop around to Stuart street but played dumb and tried to cut down other streets but this was a no go.  It was crowded as hell and I was bumping into people everywhere because I wanted to get to the hotel as quickly as possible.  I was so jealous as I walked by the family meeting area and saw family members helping others walk and I had no one to drag or carry me.  A man jumped out in front of me and said can I please get your picture I am from Competitive Magazine.  Not today sir.  Nothing was keeping me from moving forward.  Finally entered the Prudential center which connected our hotel so it was now warm and dry but unfortunately I had to keep moving.  A man stopped me and asked was I able to get on any warm clothes?  I guess I looked as hellacious as I felt.  I mumbled something about trying to get there.  I bumped into Stewart in the lobby who was in a highly celebratory mood and wanted to bring me outside for pictures etc and said JV and the group are meeting at 5 napkins.  My response was get me to the room.  No pictures, no food,  I just needed a hot bath. 

This run really did me in.  I came off the finish line from an Ironman ready to eat, drink, celebrate.  Hell I played putt putt with Noah the next day.  This is no lie, my legs hurt so badly I would have accepted a wheelchair for the rest of my trip in Boston.  I also was so disappointed as I felt like we didn't get to enjoy the city as much as planned after the race.  It was rainy, cold, and I was moving like a 100 year old woman.  I love traveling with Stewart and checking out new places and I did feel a little depressed that this did not happen post race.  Even though we did have a great visit to Newport the day before the race.

To say the trip home was an adventure to say the least.  An airport personnel actually asked me if I was going to be able to make it after watching me walk down some stairs.  Stewart either caught a bug or food poisoning and spent the whole flight home throwing up.  Both of us have never been so happy to see Memphis.

So in short.. It was a great experience.  It is a great race.  I had an awful day but feel truly blessed that I was able to experience it.  Will I ever go back, highly unlikely but I have learned to never say never.  As I always tell my kids you have to try things more than once because you should never make an opionion off your first try.  And I am more than thankful that I have a body that can do what it can do.  As I boarded the plane, the man behind me said Oh Boston.... that is my life long dream to get there and I have not been able to do it.  I am still trying.  Yeah... I jut did that.

Now.. time to recover.  Yesterday work was painful.  The kids were so sweet but I left track practice and went straight to bed.  The act of walking and moving just wore me out.  Today my legs feel better and feel marathon sore.  They feel like what they should feel like after a marathon not the shreaded mess they were... ready for some Ironman training... I think  :)

Please excuse all typos and grammatical errors.