FYI.... this training is kicking my ass.....

I interrupt this life to throw in some training and that training is kicking my ass!!  Training for tri season and Boston has started.  I am back with my coach.  She knows no mercy. She has me doing two a days most days and I had forgotten what that was like.  She doesn't care that I am in a middle of the cross country series and I want to do well and I would really like to go into a race rested.  Below are some random thoughts that have gone through my head since starting back with Liz on Jan. 1st

*  You are getting too old for this...

* If only there was about 5 more hours in a day....

* I would pay to have someone come run long with me.  I have done every long run alone because I am going at crazy hours.  One day starting a 16 mile run at 4:00 pm on a Saturday

*  You are strong, this is only making you mentally stronger... getting you ready for Ironman

* I am not sure if you are going to be able to do this...

* Of course you are going to do it, you are not a quitter, you committed to this and you will see it through.

* I joked about becoming a better swimmer by osmosis but it is true!!!  After watching swimmers day after day and studying their stroke and form - I think after 8 long years, I am finally swimming correctly!!  It is sweet,  I can feel the difference in my stroke and when I revert to my old ways

* I am too old for this

*  At least I get to eat and eat a lot.

* I can't believe I picked this time to give up diet coke but finding one in the trunk this morning was like finding gold.  I haven't drank it yet but knowing it is in my office fridge is oh so sweet!!  Just sitting there for my taking

*  I may not feel like I am racing well but you are beating men that you normally don't beat even though you can't seem to catch that elusive girl in front of you

* You are giving up way too easy, you need to remember how to make it hurt and how to race, you almost have her, but I am so tired....

* I am too old for this

* Maybe I should retire but I think I would miss it

*  I want a new bike

* Thank God for the Biggest loser, American Idol, and the Bachelor on Hulu - they have made the trainer rides great.  And for Morgan giving me a complete DVD season of the Brady Bunch

*  I need 5 more hours in a day or a way to do on less sleep. 

* Thank God Noah can drive and can help out.  He can drive little bits to school so we can be at the pool, running, or on the trainer at 5:30 am

* How much coffee do I need to seem awake

* I just really want to lay in bed and watch daytime tv and read my book

* I wonder how many things I can fit in one day

* I am down two toenails already... will I have any by ironman???

*Monday is here!  OFF Day which has now become our Date day as well... we need to celebrate Mondays because one off day is really not enough

So - I have been in a bad place in training and really relying on Stewart to pull me along.  Between work and coaching swim and the girls gymnastic and Noah's basketball and the house and trying to spend quality time with family and Stewart and cooking and shopping and everyday stuff I have been exhausted and doubting myself.  Plus I have been training so much alone.  The other morning I had a hill work out to do and it was cold and I just couldn't drag myself outside.  I went to the gym and loved having people around me and music and coffee... it did my heart good.  I also am praying that one day Stewart and I will get on the same training schedule.  We are using the same coach and have the same A race.  Surely our training will match up soon.  All I know is I will be mentally ready for those long lonely miles in Ironman.  I have spent so much time alone.  But it also gives me time to think and I remind myself that I can handle anything on this journey and I will.  So once that realization sunk in, my attitude changed.  I knew I was in for the long haul taking one day at a time, the good, the bad and celebrating the fitness that I am gaining.  Yesterday after running 18 miles ALONE with the 8k thrown in into what I am sure was the hilliest and windy 18 ever... :) I just wanted to go into bed but I went home showered, got dressed, devoured the bread basket multiple times at Coletta;s and had a great dinner with my family and parents ... I can do this.  I will do this.