Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Life in a Tail Spin

What has happened to all the hours in the day??  And how do I seem to use them up so easily??  Back in January when Stewart and I were reviewing our year and discussing things we liked, didn't like, things we would change etc ( we also did this with the kids and related it to our 2 years of marriage and it was so fun) but anyway .... I said that I Just wanted MORE time!  I felt like I didn't have it anymore and could not figure out why?  I was not even training for anything but just felt completely overwhelmed.  We begin to talk about ways I could get more time added back into my day and unfortunately it seems to be going the other way.

My work life is crazy busy - I basically do two full time jobs at once.  I teach PE and wellness classes and coach and then throw in being lower school AD.  I love it but let me tell you there is NEVER enough time in the day.  Each day just flies by and I think to myself REALLY?  We are done?  I try so hard to never bring work home so each day is always an adventure going from one project to the next.

My Life is Crazy busy - hmm.. 5 kids... someone always needs something.  Even my biggest who is out of town.   I often joke to Stewart that the kids are always wanting to be fed, talking, or taken somewhere. I have decided that with Riley's upcoming wedding, Noah's senior year and college visits, and Morgan Hopefully Hopefully making pom that my life is going to be even more insane.  Throw in Richard, Molly and Stewart's schedule and we are on the move.  My van alone drove over 1000 miles last month and most of those were in Memphis!

Then we have my fun life... no matter how busy I  make it a priority to spend time with Stewart, the kids, and friends in extra stuff.  I try to never miss a happy hour with friends or a chance to chill out with Stewart and the kids.  I also belong to book club and Stewart and I belong to a couple's uhm drinking club - lots of fun! I always try to throw some travel in as well because traveling with Stewart may rank up there as being one of my all time favorite things.  I need this time to unwind and relax

So the only thing I have left to try and fit in with all of the above is my training and I have to tell you for some reason it has been hard.  I have never felt so undertrained or out of shape in my life and left me questioning did I even want to race this season. After 11 years of the sport, the intensity and the time I need to spend on it just can't be the same.  I sit in my office  and look at my huge bookcase and wall full of medals, trophies, and awards and just can't imagine being there again.  Then I got sick and let me tell you I was pretty sure I had something seriously wrong with me.  At times, I felt like I was in a middle of a brain aneurasym and the next thing I was going to see was darkness.  Training and triathlons became the farthest thing from my mind.  I think I missed like 10 days of physical activity and never once did I even come close to thinking about my work outs or how out of shape I was getting.  Triathlon and training was the farthest from my mind.  I just wanted to feel and be healthy.  Something that has been missing lately!!

 What I did think about  was how lucky I was. When I was able to get on the bike and ride 3 miles with Noah around a path, I thought about  how lucky I was to have such a great son.  What I did think about as I laid  in the sun and read a book was how lucky I was to be able to get outside and enjoy the sunlight and the day.  Even waking up and going into the kitchen and getting a cup of coffee made me stop and think how grateful I was for all that I had.  I can certainly see how people with major illnesses or accidents get a whole new perspective on life.  I sure did just after spending 10 days feeling like holy hell.  I still have another doctor visit and after scans, blood work, and some other tests not sure what caused what but a lot of my doctor explaining why.  I trust her and believe her so I have to go with it.  Now I am finally feeling better and I realize triathlon is no big deal.  Something I love but If I race undertrained, it is going to be ok because I am out there DOING IT!  If I race with an all time personal worst, it is Ok because I am out there DOING IT!  If I decide I don't want to race at all this year, that is OK too.  This alone has been really hard for me to come to terms with as triathlon has always been such a big part of my like.   For the remainder of the school year, my "training" is going on the back burner.  Workouts will be minimal or non existent. I may even race on these minimal work outs and it will be ok.

As I have searched for time these last few months,  I HAVE realized  is that there will never be enough time.  What I have realized in the last two weeks (when just getting through work and my parenting duties was sometimes too much) is to relish every bit of time that I have.  That all of the above are so important and that I really need to be in the moment and enjoying the moment.  Just like I tell my kids if you are going to take the time to do something, make sure you are doing your best.

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